Humour in Uniform: The Great Columbus

Life is a story of every passing moments in a day. Every passing day becomes a part of history and it becomes the story of human history inhabiting the Earth. Human history is the story of the rise and fall of nations; An important part of this narrative is the Uniformed Forces of the Nations. This narration is about the military life and is a glimpse penned by Lt. Col. Abrar Khan (Retd).

Humour in Uniform: The Great Columbus

Those who have traversed the desert dust know very well that if someone loses their way in the desert, they keep wandering indefinitely.

In the time I am referring to, during military exercises, we had only two aids besides maps: "Sun Compass" and "Chacha Compass." In the Cholistan Desert, one could occasionally find a "Chacha Compass" guiding the way, but at night, he was nowhere in sight. In such situations, one could only find some guidance from the stars.

The first days of a two-month winter collective exercise were dedicated to tank firing, and after that, our luggage would remain rolled up. During this time, the Commandant's jeep would run almost all day, as the Squadrons of the Armoured Corps were stationed quite far from their Regimental Headquarters.

During one such exercise, the Commandant would drive his jeep all day long with his intelligence officer, but he could never remember the routes. However, the two soldiers (a driver and a wireless operator) sitting in the back of the jeep would keep guiding him. 

On the final night of the exercise, as usual, the Commandant was returning from a visit to the camps to the Regimental Headquarters. The driver continuously informed him when to turn right and when to turn left. Then, from a distance, the red beacon light of the Regimental Headquarters began to appear. The poor driver continued his guidance.

Since getting lost was impossible due to the camp lights, and it was the final night of the exercise, the Commandant turned his face back and playfully slapped the driver and said a memorable line: 

"مینوں سارے رستیاں دا پتا اے، وڈا آیا توں کولمبس دا پتر"

"I know all the routes, don't try to be a Columbus"

Narrator: The intelligence officer who had a hard time controlling his laughter at that moment.

 ✍️: Lt Col Abrar Khan, (Retd)