أَثـَرُ الـحِوَارِ الـهَادِئِ فِي الأَبـْنَاءِ : The effect of calm dialogue on children

Al Quran is the final Holy Book revealed upon the Last of Prophets Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH). The Quran & Sunnah is the only source of holy guidance as it entails detailed instructions for each and every walk of human life. Here guidance from Quran for the followers of Islam (أَثـَرُ الـحِوَارِ الـهَادِئِ فِي الأَبـْنَاءِ : The effect of calm dialogue on children) is discussed wrt an importance aspect in child’s upbringing i.e. soulful interaction for better living from Quran and Hadith of Prophet ﷺ. This is an approved Jumma Khutba from the Sultanate of Oman and translated in English.

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

In the name of ALLAH, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

أَثـَرُ الـحِوَارِ الـهَادِئِ فِي الأَبـْنَاءِ

The effect of calm dialogue on children

Praise be to ALLAH, who has commanded His servants to engage in the best dialogue and has forbidden them from rude and repulsive behavior. I bear witness that there is no god but ALLAH alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad, peace be upon him, is His servant and Messenger, the best of educators and the role model for the believers. May the prayers and peace of ALLAH be upon him, his family, his companions, and those who follow in their footsteps until the Day of Judgment. This is the translation of the recited verse from Surah Al Ahzab:

 أَمَّا بَعْدُ، فاعوذ باللہ من الشیطان الرجیم- بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم 

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَقُولُواْ قَوۡلاً۬ سَدِيدً۬ا 

O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allâh and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth.

Surah Al Ahzab – 70

O servants of ALLAH: fear ALLAH and adopt piety and obey Allah. ALLAH says in Surah Al Ahzab

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَقُولُواْ قَوۡلاً۬ سَدِيدً۬ا (٧٠) يُصۡلِحۡ لَكُمۡ أَعۡمَـٰلَكُمۡ وَيَغۡفِرۡ لَكُمۡ ذُنُوبَكُمۡۗ وَمَن يُطِعِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ ۥ فَقَدۡ فَازَ فَوۡزًا عَظِيمًا

O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allâh and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth. (70) He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allâh and His Messenger (SAW) he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e. he will be saved from the Hell-fire and will be admitted to Paradise). (71)

Surah Al Ahzab – 70-71

O believers, children are a trust from ALLAH upon our necks. ALLAH has given them to us so that they may be an adornment and joy for us in this worldly life. ALLAH Almighty says in Surah Al Kahaf:

ٱلۡمَالُ وَٱلۡبَنُونَ زِينَةُ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا‌ۖ

Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world.

Surah Al Kahf – 46-Part

And from His generosity and kindness, glory be to Him, He has honored us with the duty of raising and educating them. This is not an easy task, but rather a journey filled with challenges and fraught with obstacles. Therefore, calm dialogue is one of the most important tool we can use in dealing with our children. If education were done through harsh words or violent actions, life would not have found its light۔ ALLAH says in Surah Aal E Imran 

فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡ‌ۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَ‌ۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡہُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِى ٱلۡأَمۡرِ‌ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ‌ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

And by the Mercy of Allâh, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh¬hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allâh's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allâh, certainly, Allâh loves those who put their trust (in Him).

Surah Aal E Imran – 159

O Muslims: The Holy Qur’an has called for calm dialogue and urged it. ALLAH Almighty says in Surah Al Nahl:

 ٱدۡعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ وَٱلۡمَوۡعِظَةِ ٱلۡحَسَنَةِ‌ۖ وَجَـٰدِلۡهُم بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحۡسَنُ‌ۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِۦ‌ۖ وَهُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِٱلۡمُهۡتَدِينَ

Invite (mankind, O Muhammad SAW) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islâm) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur'ân) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.

Surah An Nahl – 125

How much we need to use wisdom in our dialogue with our children, as we are facing a gateway of foreign ideas. If our children see us refuting these ideas with a sober mind, and feel love in us through good preaching, the knots of ideas that confuse their minds will be untied. So consider how the noble Prophet، peace be upon him, dealt with. Abu Mahdhurah, who was a young man who used to mock the call to prayer with some of his companions, as he began to imitate him out of anger. Abu Mahdhurah had the most beautiful voice among them, so the Prophet, peace be upon him heard him and ordered that he be punished. When he stood before the Messenger of ALLÂH, he thought that he would be severely punished for his mockery. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, ordered him to repeat the call to prayer. The Prophet peace be upon him listened attentively to him and praised him. Then he wiped his forelock and chest with his blessed hand and supplicated for him. So that the young man’s heart may be filled with love and faith, and he may become the Prophet’s muezzin in Mecca.

So fear Allah, O servants of Allah, and realize the gravity of the questioning about your children on the Day of Resurrection. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. So prepare an answer to the questioning and fulfill the trust. ALLAH says in Surah Al Tahreem 

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارً۬ا

O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)

Surah At Tahreem – 6-Part

أقولُ مَا تَسْمَعُونَ، وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ العَظِيمَ لِي وَلَكُمْ، فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ يَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ، إِنَّهُ هُوَ الغَفُورُالرَّحِيمُ، وَادْعُوهُ يَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ، إِنَّهُ هُوَ البَرُّ الكَرِيمُ

I say what you hear, and I ask forgiveness from God Almighty for me and for you, so ask forgiveness from Him and He will forgive you, for He is the Forgiving and Merciful, and pray to Him and He will answer you, for He is The noble righteousness.

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   الحَمْدُ للَّهِ الَّذِي يَہَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ إِنَـٰثً۬ا وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَآءُ ٱلذُّكُورَ، وَنَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لا شَرِيـكَ لَهُ، وَنَشْهَدُ أَنَّ سَيِّدَنَا مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ، صَلَوَاتُ اللهِ وَسَلامُهُ عَلَيْهِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ المُتَّقِينَ وَمَنْ تَبِعَهُمْ بِإِحْسانٍ إِلَى يَوْمِ النَّفْخِ فِي الصُّورِ

Praise be to ALLAH, He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills, and I bear witness that there is no god but ALLAH, He is alone with no partner, and I bear witness that our Master and our Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, the servant of ALLAH and His Messenger, is the best of people to the people, and the furthest away from what is incumbent upon them beyond their capacity. May ALLAH’s prayers and peace be upon him, upon his family and his righteous companions and those who follow them in righteousness until the Day of Blowing the Trumpet.

Now then, O servants of ALLAH, know that successful dialogue requires some skills that the educator must possess, the first of which is good listening. Children need someone to listen to them, and when they feel that we are listening to them with interest. This will make them more eager to express themselves and reveal what is in their hearts. The Prophet, peace be upon him, was at a high level of applying this characteristic, to the point that the hypocrites criticized him for this characteristic. So Allah responded to their words, saying in Surah Al Tawaba:

وَمِنۡہُمُ ٱلَّذِينَ يُؤۡذُونَ ٱلنَّبِىَّ وَيَقُولُونَ هُوَ أُذُنٌ۬‌ۚ قُلۡ أُذُنُ خَيۡرٍ۬ لَّڪُمۡ يُؤۡمِنُ بِٱللَّهِ وَيُؤۡمِنُ لِلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ وَرَحۡمَةٌ۬ لِّلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ مِنكُمۡ‌ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ يُؤۡذُونَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمۡ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ۬

And among them are men who annoy the Prophet (Muhammad SAW) and say: "He is (lending his) ear (to every news)." Say: "He listens to what is best for you; he believes in Allâh; has faith in the believers; and is a mercy to those of you who believe." But those who hurt Allâh's Messenger (Muhammad SAW) will have a painful torment.

Surah At Tawba – 61

Another characteristic of a successful educator is that he avoids harsh criticism in dialogue, but rather chooses his expressions carefully. Kind words have a great impact on the children's psyche. ALLÂH Almighty says in Surah Al Israa 

وَقُل لِّعِبَادِى يَقُولُواْ ٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحۡسَنُ‌ۚ

And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of Islâmic Monotheism) that they should (only) say those words that are the best.

Surah Al Isra – 53-Part

O servants of ALLAH, fear ALLAH and strive to engage in dialogue that raises children to do good and keeps them away from evil. Let us always remember the words of ALLAH Almighty that is read from Surah Al Qasas:

إِنَّكَ لَا تَہۡدِى مَنۡ أَحۡبَبۡتَ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَہۡدِى مَن يَشَآءُ‌ۚ وَهُوَ أَعۡلَمُ بِٱلۡمُهۡتَدِينَ

Verily! You (O Muhammad SAW) guide not whom you like, but Allâh guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided

Surah Al Qasas – 56-Part

هَذَا وَصَلُّوا وَسَلِّمُوا عَلَى إمَامِ الْمُرْسَلِينَ؛ مُحَمَّدٍ الهَادِي الأَمِينِ، فَقَدْ أَمَرَكُمْ رَبكُمْ بذَلكَ حينَ قَالَ

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ وَمَلَـٰٓٮِٕڪَتَهُ ۥ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى ٱلنَّبِىِّۚ يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ صَلُّواْ عَلَيۡهِ وَسَلِّمُواْ تَسۡلِيمًا

Surah Al Ahzaab – 56

So pray and send peace upon the leader of the messengers, Muhammad, the guide and trustworthy. Your Lord has commanded you to do so when He said: “Indeed, Allah and His angels send blessings upon the Prophet. O you who have believed, send blessings upon him and salute him with a worthy salutation.” 

He says in Surah Al Ahzab: ALLAH and His kingdom send blessings upon the Prophet. O you who have believed, pray upon him and grant him peace.

Surah Al Ahzaab – 56

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وسَلِّم عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِ نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ، كَمَا صَلَّيْتَ وسَلَّمتَ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَعَلَى آلِ نَبِيِّنَا إِبْرَاهِيمَ، وَبَارِكْ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَعَلَى آلِ نَبِيِّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ كَمَا بَارَكْتَ عَلَى نَبِيِّنَا إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَعَلَى آلِ نَبِيِّنَا إِبْرَاهِيمَ فِي الْعَالَمِينَ، إِنَّكَ حَمِيدٌ مَجِيدٌ، وَارْضَ اللَّهُمَّ عَنْ خُلَفَائِهِ الرَّاشِدِينَ، وَعَنْ أَزْوَاجِهِ أُمَّهَاتِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَعَنْ سَائِرِ الصَّحَابَةِ أَجْمَعِينَ، وَعَنِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ، وعَنْ جَمْعِنَا هَذَا بِرَحْمَتِكَ يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ

O ALLAH, bless and grant peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon the family of our Prophet Muhammad, as You prayed and peace upon our Prophet Abraham and upon the family of our Prophet Abraham, and bless our Prophet Muhammad and the family of our Prophet Muhammad, just as You blessed our Prophet Abraham and the family of our Prophet Abraham in the worlds. Indeed, You are Praiseworthy and Glorious. And be pleased, O Allah, with his Rightly-Guided Caliphs, and with his wives, the Mothers of the Believers, and with all the rest of the Companions, and with the believing men and women, and with this gathering of ours, by Your mercy, O Most Merciful of the merciful.

اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ جَمْعَنَا هَذَا جَمْعًا مَرْحُوْمًا، وَاجْعَلْ تَفَرُّقَنَا مِنْ بَعْدِهِ تَفَرُّقًا مَعْصُوْمًا وَلا تَدَعْ فِينَا وَلا مَعَنَا شَقِيًّا وَلا مَحْرُومًا

Oh ALLAH, make this gathering of us a merciful gathering, and make our separation after it an infallible separation, and do not leave among us or with us any wretched or deprived.

اللَّهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَاهْدِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ إِلَى الْحَقِّ، وَاجْمعْ كَلِمَتَهُمْ عَلَى الخَيْرِ، وَاكْسِرْ شَوْكَةَ الظَّالِمِينَ، وَاكْتُبِ السَّلامَ وَالأَمْنَ لِعِبادِكَ أَجْمَعِينَ

Oh ALLAH, honor Islam, guide Muslims to the truth, unite their words in goodness, break the power of the oppressors, and grant peace and security to your servants. All of them. 

اللَّهُمَّ كُنْ عَوْنًا لإِخْوَانِنَا فِي أَرْضِ الأَقْصَى المُبَارَكِ، وَكُنْ مَعَهُمْ وَثَبِّـتْهُمْ وَارْبِطْ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ وَصَبِّرْهُمْ، وَاخْذُلْ عَدُوَّكَ وَعَدُوَّهُمْ، وَاجْعَلِ الدَّائِرَةَ عَلَيْهِ يَا ذَا الجَلالِ وَالإِكْرَامِ

O Allah, be a helper to our brothers in the blessed land of Al-Aqsa, be with them, strengthen them, strengthen their hearts, and grant them patience. Disappoint Your enemy and their enemy, and turn the tables on him, O Possessor of Majesty and Honor.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَسْأَلُكَ الثَّباتَ فِي الأَمْرِ، وَالعَزِيمَةَ عَلَى الرُّشْدِ، ونَسْأَلُكَ شُكْرَ نِعْمَتِكَ، وَحُسْنَ عِبَادَتِكَ، ونَسْأَلُكَ قُلُوبًا سَلِيمةً وأَلْسِنةً صَادِقةً، ونَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ خَيْرِ مَا تَعْلَمُ، وَنعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا تَعْلَمُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُكَ لِمَا تَعْلَمُ

O Allah, we ask You for steadfastness in our affairs and determination to do what is right. We ask You for gratitude for Your blessings and proper worship of You. We ask You for sound hearts and truthful tongues. We ask You for the best of what You know and seek refuge in You from the worst of what You know. We seek Your forgiveness for what You know.

اللَّهُمَّ يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ يَا ذَا الجَلالِ وَالإِكْرَامِ، لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ بِكَ نَستَجِيرُ وَبِرَحْمَتِكَ نَستَغِيثُ أَلاَّ تَكِلَنَا إِلَى أَنفُسِنَا طَرفَةَ عَينٍ، وَلاَ أَدنَى مِنْ ذَلِكَ وَأَصلِحْ لَنَا شَأْنَنَا كُلَّهُ يَا مُصلِحَ شَأْنِ الصَّالِحِينَ

Oh ALLAH, O Ever-Living, O Ever-Living, O Possessor of Majesty and Honour, there is no god but You, Glory be to You, by You we seek refuge and by Your mercy we seek help, that you will not leave us to Our souls are within the blink of an eye, and nothing is closer than that. And rectify for us all our affairs, O Reconciliator, the affairs of the righteous.

اللَّهُمَّ رَبَّنَا احْفَظْ أَوْطَانَنَا وَأَعِزَّ سُلْطَانَنَا وَأَيِّدْهُ بِالْحَقِّ وَأَيِّدْ بِهِ الْحَقَّ يَا رَبَّ العَالَمِينَ، اللَّهُمَّ أَسْبِغْ عَلَيْهِ نِعمَتَكَ، وَأَيِّدْهُ بِنُورِ حِكْمَتِكَ، وَسَدِّدْهُ بِتَوفِيقِكَ، وَاحفَظْهُ بِعَينِ رعَايَتِكَ

Oh ALLAH, our Lord, protect our countries, honor our authority, support it with the truth, and support it with the truth, O Lord of the worlds. Oh God, bestow your blessing upon him, Support it with the light of your wisdom, guide it with your blessings, and protect it with your care.

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْزِلْ عَلَيْنَا مِنْ بَرَكَاتِ السَّمَاء وَأَخْرِجْ لَنَا مِنْ خَيْرَاتِ الأَرْضِ، وَبَارِكْ لَنَا في ثِمَارِنَا وَزُرُوعِنَا وكُلِّ أَرزَاقِنَا يَا ذَا الْجَلالِ وَالإِكْرَامِ

O ALLAH, send down upon us from the blessings of the sky and bring forth for us from the goodness of the earth, and bless for us our fruits and our crops and all our provisions, O Possessor of Majesty and Generosity.

رَبَّنَا آتِنَا في الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفي الآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالمُؤْمِنَات، المُسْلِمِينَ وَالمُسْلِمَات، الأَحْيَاءِ مِنْهُمْ وَالأَمْوَاتِ، إِنَّكَ سَمِيعٌ قَرِيبٌ مُجِيبُ الدُّعَاءِ

O ALLAH, forgive the believing men and women, the Muslim men and women, the living and the dead among them. Indeed, You are the All-Hearing, the Near, the Answerer of supplications.

عِبَادَ الله-

 إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأۡمُرُ بِٱلۡعَدۡلِ وَٱلۡإِحۡسَـٰنِ وَإِيتَآىِٕ ذِى ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَيَنۡهَىٰ عَنِ ٱلۡفَحۡشَآءِ وَٱلۡمُنڪَرِ وَٱلۡبَغۡىِ‌ۚ يَعِظُكُمۡ لَعَلَّڪُمۡ تَذَكَّرُونَ

O servants of ALLAH - Indeed, ALLAH commands justice and good deeds, and bestows favor on relatives, and forbids indecency. And the denier and the transgressor admonish you that you may remember.

Surah An Nahl-90

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وآخر دعوانا ان الحمد للہ رب العالمین- سبحان ربک رب العزة عما يصفون، وسلام على المرسلين، والحمد لله رب العالمين